Desperate Houseflies: The Magazine

Feel free to pull out your trusty fly swatter and comment on what is posted here, realizing that this odd collection of writers may prove as difficult to kill as houseflies and are presumably just as pesky. “Desperate Houseflies” is a magazine that intends to publish weekly articles on subjects such as politics, literature, history, sports, photography, religion, and no telling what else. We’ll see what happens.

Friday, April 21, 2006

The Sports Debate

SPORTS TOPICS

N.B.A. PLAYOFFS: They’re here. Does anyone really care? I’m a big basketball fan, and I am one of the rare sports fans that really think the professional game is amazing. Plus, David Stern is oft-perceived as the best commish in the short list of folks with his occupation. Still, I can’t ever find myself “in” to the regular season, and when the marathon playoffs begin, I’m not any more interested. I’m sure I’ll get into it in a few weeks, but for now I’m still yawning. I checked out espn.com to learn that Detroit and San Antonio are predicted to make the Finals, with Detroit winning it all. Does anyone even have an opinion?

DUKE LACROSSE: I heard on the Dan Patrick Show that Duke Lacrosse t-shirts and caps are hot-selling items across the country. Major retailer Dick’s Sporting Goods has now pulled them from their shelves, but that doesn’t phase the fad. What does this say about our country?

NATIONAL LOOK-ALIKE DAY: Dan Patrick took emails all day yesterday (National Look-Alike Day) of suggestions on sports celebs that had a look-alike. There were some really good/funny ones I heard mentioned:
Mike Holmgren & Craig Stadler
Larry Brown & Mr. Roper
Keith Olbermann & Janet Reno (though KO said she’s a bit bigger than he)
Dan Marino & David Hasselhoff
Mel Brooks & Lee Corso
Ray Lewis & Aaron Neville
Dirk Nowitski & Shaggy from Scooby-Doo
I say numbers 1, 4, and 5 are the most accurate. What do you think? And are there any good ones you can think of left off the list?

ALBERT PUJOLS: Another amazing start. Should anyone pitch to the guy? Ever?

BARRY BONDS: What do you really do with his story? Absolutely no one (outside his inflated skull) seems to like him and root for him, and maybe he doesn’t hit another home run and the only remaining argument is the Hall of Fame. But he’ll probably pass the Babe. And he’s still got a legitimate shot at Aaron. So what do you do with him? He’s not going to admit anything. The proof is very compelling, but though seemingly obvious, you can’t really convict him of anything. I know this is being talked into the ground, but in reality, what options does baseball really have with Mr. Bonds?

6 Comments:

Blogger Michael Lasley said...

I'm not a fan of anyone grandstanding, and I realize I'm a homer about Pujols, but I don't recall him doing anything noteworthy in the grandstanding department lately.

I really can't get into the NBA. I tried again this year. It's amazing how even a "fast-paced" team like The Suns can manage to make a game boring. And, as is often pointed out, the playoffs are so meaningless since over half the teams make it to the playoffs.

8:57 AM  
Blogger Michael Lasley said...

I wish he didn't watch them either, Joe, but he doesn't do anything watching-wise that most other players don't do. I'm not a fan of intentionally hitting any player, even show-offs. (Not even Bonds back in his do-a-twirl days or Sosa in his skipping days.) I would definitely make someone else on the Cards beat me. Rolen might be able to, but I don't think Edmonds is able to carry a team anymore.

9:36 AM  
Blogger Al Sturgeon said...

Chris Shelton on the bench? Sounds like something I would do, Joe!

And I'm with you, Whitney. But not just the people buying these things, I doubt Duke Lacrosse was on many store shelves before this happened. What of the folks selling them, too?!

And as to Pujols, I liked the IBB much better when it was Bonds.

10:11 AM  
Blogger juvenal_urbino said...

Chris Shelton was sitting there with 9 HRs, 3 triples, 5 doubles, 18 RBI and a .426 batting average.


Bumpuses!

10:24 AM  
Blogger juvenal_urbino said...

I think all MLB can do at this point is hope the Mitchell Commission turns up something definitive enough -- "definitive" without "enough" is probably too much to hope for -- to give them cover for whatever they do, whether that's clearing Bonds or punishing him.

Personally, as a 37 y.o. man, it's hard for me to accept his biochemistry-free explanation of his physical history. The man has extraordinary athletic gifts; he proved that when he was still with the Pirates; and the hand-eye coordination he's developed over the course of his career is amazing. But adding 40 lbs. of pure muscle during your 30s -- while playing a 162-game schedule? That's just not how normal testosterone works as we age.

If Mitchell comes back with sufficient evidence to give Selig a fig leaf, I think all of Bonds' hitting statistics should be replaced with the simple word, "unknown." The kink for MLB is what do they then do with all the other people who were obviously juicing, but never caused enough controversy to get caught? McGwire, Sosa, Brett Boone, etc.

And I wonder if there also are pitchers who used these same drugs to try to add a few mph to their fastball, or some innings to their endurance?

3:22 PM  
Blogger Michael Lasley said...

That's a good suggestion, Juvenal. Bonds is incredible and was before steroids. And there were a LOT of players juicing in the past decade. McGuire is a complete embarassment for Cards fans, I think, and baseball more generally since he and Sosa were the first two to take down Maris and Ruth. AND, I think Selig should go. He knew what was going on, I'd think, as well as the owners and managers. Someone on ESPN a few days ago, and I may have already mentioned this on another post so apologies if that is the case, said there is no reason to do anything with his numbers. People now and in the future will understand that Bonds was cheating. I think everyone'll be happier when Bonds retires. (And having just finished Game of Shadows, ummm..., regardless of steroids, Bonds should be in jail right now because of his repeated threats to kill his girlfriend -- he's a much bigger jerk than I thought he was).

7:32 PM  

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