Desperate Houseflies: The Magazine

Feel free to pull out your trusty fly swatter and comment on what is posted here, realizing that this odd collection of writers may prove as difficult to kill as houseflies and are presumably just as pesky. “Desperate Houseflies” is a magazine that intends to publish weekly articles on subjects such as politics, literature, history, sports, photography, religion, and no telling what else. We’ll see what happens.

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

It's a mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad world

Last Thursday, the most wonderful thing happened. As I was flipping through the stations, I checked out my usual haunts, ESPN, ESPN2, ESPNews, ESPNfinity, etc., when there it was, a spring training game between the Pirates and Yankees! No, I wasn't excited because I'm a big Kip Wells fan, but because Spring training baseball is a sign that the long sporting winter was over, and one of the great seasons of a sports fan's life was about to begin.

You see, the sports fan is a creature of cycles, and his life mirrors the ebbs and flows of the sporting calendar. February is the dark month (unless the Winter Olympics happen to be on), that great bleak period between the Super Bowl and the start of Spring training. For the die hard sports junkie, there is only the NBA to provide some meager sustenance to pull us through. The two great pinnacles of the sport are October, when the NFL and College football are in full swing, and the Baseball postseason keeps us on the edge of our seats, and March. Though October is my favorite season, March is always especially sweet, because it rewards the sports fan for being patient through his dry season with the greatest spectacle in the sporting world, March Madness.

Yes, while spring training is nice, it's main significance is as a sign, like the first leaves falling in autumn or the first flowers blooming in spring. It says to the sports fan, "awake from your slumber, the conference tournaments are about to begin." And suddenly the sports fan is tuning in at midnight to ESPN to see if Gonzaga beat St. Mary's (they did) or Oral Roberts backed up their regular season conference crown with a tournament bid (they didn't). Do the Hogs have another miracle SEC title run in them (I doubt it) or will they be relegated to the NIT. Dicky V and Digger work overtime, and #1 seeds rise and fall as Selection Sunday approaches.

Then it's time to fill out your bracket (or brackets as is usually the case) and join in your online and office pools. Who's it going to be this year? Because you know it happens every year. Some 12 seed makes a run to the sweet 16. Some 1 seed gets knocked off in the second round and ruins any hope you had for your bracket. Some young coach will lead his team to an upset and himself to a major conference job, and some player will transform himself from a second round pick to a lottery pick. But who will it be?

You remember them don't you? The Tulsa teams lead by Tubby Smith and Bill Self that seemed to claw their way into the Sweet 16. The Santa Clara squad that shocked Arizona. Last year's Xavier squad that made it to the Elite Eight. Great performances by Wally Sczerbiak, Steve Nash, John Wallace, Antonio McDyess (and yes, Michael, Carmelo Anthony) that propelled their teams to improbable runs. And great moments like buzzer beaters from Tyus Edney, Mike Miller, and (sweetest of all) Scottie Thurman.

Then comes the ultimate question. Which of these teams has the magic to end their year with a 6-game winning streak? Will it be the favorite, like the year Duke won its second title or the year Kentucky fielded an NBA All-Star team and seemed to beat teams by an average of 50 points. Or will a talented team catch fire and pull an upset like Duke's first title after taking down the UNLV juggernaut in the semifinals, or the 3-guard Arizona squad that shocked what everyone assumed were the superior Wildcats from Kentucky. Will there be magic for a coach like Roy Williams this year as there was for Jim Boeheim two years ago? Or will Krysziewski add another line to a resume that may be the best ever in college hoops?

The great thing is that no one knows for sure, not even Digger and especially not Dicky V (Coach K would already have more titles than Wooden if he were right every year). What is for sure is that the month will be filled with upsets, magical moments, and magical performances, and that it will never, ever disappoint. So go ahead and call in sick for next Thursday and Friday, heat up some Rotel, grab a tasty beverage, and sit back and enjoy the greatest spectacle sports has to offer.

Quick takes

MLB -- who was the best pickup this offseason? Well, probably one of the New Yorkers (Johnson or Beltran), but don't forget about Moises Alou in San Fransiso. He may be the laziest outfielder in baseball, but the guy can still rake, and hitting behind Bonds he may have about 200 RBI this year. NBA -- Does Shawn Marion have an uglier shot than Bill Cartwright? Quite possibly. It's almost as ugly as Steve Nash's hair, and that's ugly. NFL -- Can anyone explain the salary cap to me? So, somehow the Titans are about $2 billion over the cap and have to release half their roster, but the Raiders, despite signing every aging free agent this side of Jim Thorpe the last couple of years still have the cap space to strenghten their Commitment to Excrement by signing Randy Moss and Lamont Jordan? College Hoops -- Want someone to watch out for in this year's tournament? If Vermont makes it in, keep an eye on Taylor Coppenrath. He's about 6'8" and can stroke it from long range, and I get a real Wally Sczerbiak vibe from him. Golf -- Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson are playing better than anyone in the world right now, and nothing could be better for the sport. These guys have more game and charisma than anyone, and watching them duke it out for some majors will be must see TV. Sorry, Vijay. Nascar -- zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

10 Comments:

Blogger Al Sturgeon said...

Another SI-quality article, Andy. Without knowing it, your Spring article seemed to be promoting something I'll tell you more about soon...

And thanks for not gloating about picking UConn last year. :-)

6:05 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Coolhand, I couldn't agree more with an article unless I wrote it myself. October and March are without a doubt the two best months of the year. You are the reason I started visiting this site and I got a little sidetracked by the political stuff. That final round at Doral was something special. When Phil nearly sunk that chip on 18 I was close to uncontrolled urination. I only have one quibble with your article, you left out the Masters! I used to watch the Masters even before I took up golf, in fact it is part of the reason I did. There is simply nothing like it. I'm drooling at the prospect of Phil and Tiger neck and neck on sunday at Augusta. If Phil wins does he get to put the green jacket on himself?

1:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes that would rock.

4:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes that would rock.

4:04 PM  
Blogger Terry Austin said...

It's all baseball.

Best offseason move: The A's pitching overhaul. They're stocked (and cheap!) for the present and the future, and they nabbed the #1 hitting prospect (Daric Barton) from the Cards to boot.

Sorry Cards fans, but you got robbed on the Mulder deal. And now that Rick Ankiel's career is officially kaput, it's going to be a long summer for your bullpen... those starters just aren't gonna do it.

(But then, that's what they said last year, wasn't it?)

Not to mention the butchers you've got for middle infielders now... and speaking of "butcher," won't it be fun hearing a half-lit Mike Shannon try to say "Eckstein-to-Grudzielanek"?

8:50 PM  
Blogger coolhandandrew said...

that's the first time I've heard anyone say the A's had a good offseason. Your faith in the Beanester is profound.

7:39 AM  
Blogger juvenal_urbino said...

And as long as we're talking about off-season baseball and butchery, howzabout that GM of the Dodgers. Breaking up the best young DP combo in the bigs for an aging defensive handicap at second base? I mean, seriously. Jeff Kent, Milton Bradley, and J.D. Drew in the same dugout? It's enough to put Homeland Security at condition fuchsia.

Can anyone remember the last time the Bums made a good move?

(Oh, and feh on the Masters. Give me the U.S. Open.)

11:18 AM  
Blogger Terry Austin said...

The A's had, IMHO, a GREAT offseason. They traded two really good pitchers, sure, but they also excised Jermaine Dye and his salary from the roster. They added Jason Kendall and a host of starters and relievers.

As for the Dodgers, "the best young DP combo" in the game is probably accurate, but Cora's offense consisted of occasionally getting hit by a pitch. It speaks volumes that he was available to ANY team out there, and he ended up signing on as a part-time utility infielder in Cleveland. Bless his heart, he's absolutely a defensive whiz and apparently a great guy. But he can't hit.

Kent can hit, and his defense isn't terrible. His range is pretty bad, but his hands are OK. And I've heard he can hit a little.

I'm not ready to say the Dodgers had a terrible winter. (I think I'd rather have Beltre than Drew, but what can you do?) But even if they did, the moves were made with 2006 and after in their minds, when a host of big-time prospects will be ready to play.

10:14 AM  
Blogger coolhandandrew said...

The A's may be better in the long run, and I do think Beane got pretty good value for his trades. He's just in a tough spot over there, salary-wise.

The Dodgers . . . It seems like they were frightened by the fact that they finally scored some runs last year and tried to ensure they would resume scoring 3 runs a game by getting rid of Beltre and Green. Maybe Drew will be healthy and maybe Kent has a couple more good years in him, but I think they pretty much handed the division back to the Giants.

11:00 AM  
Blogger juvenal_urbino said...

"I think they pretty much handed the division back to the Giants."

I agree, Coolhand. Assuming, that is, that Bonds doesn't get into trouble with the league. They have a good deal more besides him than they've had in years, but I doubt their heart if he goes down.

3:25 PM  

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